Tribute to Eldest Brother 向大哥致敬

“To be born the eldest son in a Chinese family can be either a boon or a bane. If the parents are loaded, chances are you will be the first to inherit some of their assets not only for yourself but also for your eldest son. On the other side of the coin, if your parents are poor you can be expected to do your part and bring in the bacon.

Eldest Brother fell into the second category at a very young age. At the tender age of 15, he was forced to give up his schooling and went to work in a shop selling crockery and kitchenware. When Tip Top bread found its way to our hometown, he immediately became one of their earliest vendors.

It was tough for him to hold two jobs but he never complained. Instead he revelled in his role as provider for his siblings. He played the role of an obedient son and a dutiful brother incredibly well.

He had a vision for his younger charges. His message was simple. “Aim high. If you aim high, your children will also aim high. Likewise, if you aim low your children will do the same.” It was because of this vision that he was prepared to go the extra mile for his siblings and later on his own children. He wanted a better tomorrow for all of us. His vision inspired us all.

He also wanted us to support one another in good and bad times, all in the name of lifting the family honour. Like the anchor of a ship, he was prepared to take a dive so that the passengers on board the ship could enjoy stability in the most severe of storms.

Unfortunately for him, he never got to savour success. Life was cruel to him. He encountered several setbacks.

His first setback came in 1982 with the premature demise of his younger brother. He was our brightest and most promising star. We made available all our resources, however meagre to help him become an engineer. For a while it seemed that we were on our way to better things but his early demise shattered all our hopes of security and stability.

We spent the rest of the decade nursing our wounds that were both financial and emotional. We spent each working day fighting little and sometimes big fires. Things were so desperate. The cupboard was completely bare. It was not a time for those with egg shell temperament.

The second setback came when Eldest Brother had to close his loss-making bakery which he shared with his second sister. The money for the business came entirely from his two younger brothers. It wasn’t difficult to see why the bakery failed. The high costs involved in keeping the dilapidated machines in running order plus the intense competition present in a small market meant that survival not profitability became the most pressing issue day in and day out. When Eldest Brother decided to throw in the towel, one can almost hear the sound of his relief. The lack of success second time round shook Eldest Brother’s confidence right to the very core of his soul.

Looking back it was easy to pinpoint the reason why he entered such a lousy business. It was poverty that left him without many choices. When you’re poor your choices are limited. Of course, he wanted something easier and more profitable but there weren’t such opportunities due to a lack of capital. He was hamstrung!

If the 1980’s were difficult the events of the 1990’s were even more shocking. We tried very hard to help him succeed. Like true soldiers his siblings never abandon him even in the most trying of circumstances. Time again and again we helped pull him out of difficulties to return the favours he accorded us earlier.

In the middle of 1991, Eldest Brother came down with a stroke that rendered the left side of his body useless. Despite this setback he continued to soldier on for his family but the favour was never returned. There was hardly any empathy from those nearest to him. He must had shed a million tears in private as to his uselessness as a provider.

His setback was complete when he was abandoned by those closest to him. The reason given was that his siblings should look and provide for him just as he had done the same for them earlier. This was a pathetic excuse. Although was an awesome leader, his siblings were never useless parasites that took advantage of their benefactor. We played our part in the supply chain and we earned our keep.

The main reason for him being abandoned was financial. It was just too obvious. In the history of family from our grandfather down our family members had experienced two world wars, a civil war, a communist insurgency, tragedies and poverty but never abandonment by someone of our own.

The stroke that Eldest Brother suffered was not as severe as the rejection that he suffered at the hands of his own family. It was this act of betrayal that led him to a state of excruciating mental anguish. Isn’t it ironical that the anchor that provided stability and security to those who needed it most now found himself abandoned in the cold and murky waters?

To those who took financial delight in the deliberate act of abandoning Eldest Brother, the cost of dishonouring him is much higher than the act of abandonment lest they forget to do their sums. Likewise, to those who lightened their wallets to support him in the most difficult phase of his life, you are truly marvellous and may you be immeasurably blessed in all aspects of your life.

It has been six months since Eldest Brother passed on. He is now found in a place where there is neither pain nor sorrow. He is safe in the arms of Jesus who grant eternal rest to all who are tired and heavy-laden. ”

-M.K. Chng, brother of Chng Ming King

*** ***

Chinese version 中文譯文

生為長子在華人的家庭是福也是難。如果父母有錢，長子將是第一個繼承財產的人，連他自己的長子，即是家族的長孫也分一杯羹。反之，如果父母貧窮，長子就得幫忙養家。

大哥從小就屬於不幸的第二類。十五歲那年，他輟學，到一家家居用品店打工。當TipTop麵包賣到我們的城鎮來的時候，大哥成為最早的一批販賣者。

一人兼兩份工作，他很苦，不但不抱怨，還樂于擔起養育弟妹的責任。他甘心當個服從的兒子、擔當的兄長。

他帶領弟妹建構一個簡單美好的願景：人往高處望。他說，如果你有遠大的目標，你的孩子也會學習你把眼光放遠。因為這份願景，他不怕為弟妹，為他自己的孩子多吃點苦。他要我們擁有一個更美好的明天，他的夢想激勵了大家。

他也要求手足之間，不管順境逆境，都要互相扶持以守家族清譽。身為長兄，他不懼縱身一躍，垂沉海底為錨，為求船里的家人在風雨飄搖中安然無羔。

但命運對他是殘酷的，甘美，他不曾嘗過；挫傷，卻經歷了好幾回。

第一次挫敗是在1982年，他的弟弟英年早逝。他是我們家中最出色、最讓人充滿期待的一位。家人胼手胝足為造就他成為一位工程師。美好的日子似乎就在眼前，但他的驟逝粉碎了家人所期待的苦盡甘來的日子。

我們用了近十年的時間來治療經濟上和情感上的傷口，每一天的勞作都是和大大小小的生活挑戰搏鬥。環境越來越嚴峻，家無隔夜糧，只要軟弱一點都挺不過去。

第二次挫敗是大哥被迫結束與二姐共營的賠本的麵包店生意。麵包店的週轉資金由兩位弟弟掏腰包而來。要了解麵包店為何賠本並不難。陳舊的製麵包機器須高成本維修、市場小而競爭大，不要說賺錢，僅是週轉求存，日出日落，急如風火。當大哥決定撒手不幹，我們幾乎 聽到他如釋重負的噓聲，但這次的失敗令大哥的自信徹底崩潰了。

回顧過去，似乎很容易怪罪他為何貿然投資一盤這麼差勁的生意，但一個走到窮途末路的人，他沒有選擇的餘地。他當然希望做些容易又能賺錢的投資，但沒有資金，機會是零。

如果八十年代是苦澀，那九十年代便是驚濤駭浪。眾弟妹中，無一不盡力在事業上拉大哥一把。像忠心耿耿的士兵，他的弟妹在最危難的時刻依然對他不棄不捨。有謂飲水思源，當他一次又一次陷在泥濘中，我們一次又一次伸出援手。

一九九一年年中，大哥中風導致左半身不遂，但他依然為妻兒的生活掙扎打拚，但他的付出得不到回報。與他最親近的人對他沒有一絲同理心，或許他暗地里為自己的無用、未能盡責而灑了千千萬萬顆淚珠

當他生命中最親近的人將他遺棄，這一次，他完完全全被擊敗了！遺棄他的人給予的理由是，既然他對弟妹養育有恩，就該由弟妹反哺。這是個毫無理由的藉口。雖然大哥撫育我們，但我們從未像寄生蟲一樣佔他便宜。我們對大哥感恩回報，並以自己的雙手謀生。

他被遺棄的主要原因再明顯不過，他已失去了經濟能力。我們的家族從祖父母輩到這一輩經歷二次大戰、國共內戰的艱苦時代，悲劇和窮困當前，我們不曾捨棄任何一位血脈相連的親人。

大哥中風所嘗到的痛苦並不比被妻兒遺棄所帶給他的痛苦來得劇烈。這場親情的背叛導致他歷盡精神煎熬的酷刑。一位以己身為錨，帶給家人安穩的生活的人，到頭來卻被遺忘于冷洌的濁水中，這不是充滿諷刺嗎？

對那些尋求安逸而遺棄大哥的人，羞辱自己的生父和遺棄自己的生父這兩項罪過相比，前者會向他們追討更大的代價。而那些在大哥最苦難的時刻而雪中送炭的人，你們都是可敬的，祝你們蒙受無限的助佑。

大哥離世已半年了，他如今在一個沒有憂傷和痛苦的地方安息。一如耶穌賜給勞累和負重擔的人永生，他現在安枕於耶穌的雙臂里……

-Angeline

*** ***

Response from a family friend.

“ A BIG question mark has left behind, unanswered.

There can be no closure of this case until someday somehow, lightning strikes as it were, that someone finally comes to his senses and unveils the misery silence of the lonely soul.

There is a right time for everything:
A time to find
A time to lose;
A time for keeping
A time for throwing away;
A time to tear
A time to repair;
A time to be quiet
A time to speak up;
A time for loving
A time for hating;
A time for war
A time for peace.
                            ~ Ecclesiastes 3: 6 - 8 ~

May Chng Dai Gor( Big Brother in Cantonese) rest in peace.

Amen. ”

- Petrina

一日心結不解，一日都無法平安

致大哥的兒子 A letter to my eldest brother’s son

那時你應該是4歲吧，五姑帶著你到芙蓉波士街的天主教堂嬉戲並拍照留念。祈求你背後的聖母助佑我們解開心結

*** ***

XX侄兒：

你好，主佑。我是五姑。

我帶著很沉重的心情寫這封信。這麼多年來，我們多次聯絡你和你的哥哥，通過寫信、托口訊，甚至上門，你們都避而不見。我們在一次無意中，在網上的一個電台節目見到你接受一項學術課題專訪，才知道你在宏願大學任職。

你還記得2000年的某一天，你帶著中風後未癒的父親到我二姐的家，據你說，你父母吵架，所以暫時要把父親寄居在我二姐的家一陣子。你父母結婚後感情就不好，吵架是常有的事。我們家共有十兄弟姐妹，小時生活非常艱苦，你父親讀書成績標青，無奈弟妹眾多，唸到初一就輟學出外打工，賺錢幫忙養家，以減輕父母的重擔。他工作勤奮，不辭勞苦，每個月的薪水悉數交給母親。他孝敬父母、愛護弟妹，對我們能夠勉勵有加，是親朋戚友、左鄰右舍、老板伙
伴口中的大好青年，當然更是我們敬崇的大哥。

二姐聽到你要求她接待父親暫住，義不容辭地答應了。你爸住了一陣子，你們一個電話都沒有，讓我們覺得事有蹊蹺，再過一陣子，你告訴我們說，既然父親曾經養育過弟妹，就應該由我們來照顧他！

你這番話不可理喻，更叫中風未癒、行動不便的大哥錯愕傷心！接下來的過程非常叫人痛心難過，無論我們通過什麼方法交涉，你們的態度堅決冷漠，就是不肯讓你父親再踏入家門一步。

這十年來，你父親輪流由我們姐妹照顧，最後五年因二度中風，不能自理，我們把他送到療養院去接受照顧。

這十年來，你們不曾探訪過他，一次都沒有。至於他的生活費，你們一分錢也沒出過。
這十年來，他對你們的思念不曾停止過，他從不接受自己被遺棄的命運，哭過、鬧過、甚至患上憂鬱症，直到三年前成為基督徒，情緒才平靜下來。即使這樣，他也常常不自禁地告訴我們他孩子的成就。例如，他常重覆提起他兒子的優異考試成績、大兒子任高職……他去世前的一年，常在精神恍惚中告訴我們說，兒子來看他了！這一切是他思念過甚的妄想。

我們一直擔心的事終於發生了，今年二月，你父親在療養院因不慎而被食物鯁喉窒息，送到醫院，醫生宣佈他腦死，只剩數小時的存活。走到人生的盡頭，任何恩怨也該煙消雲散了吧。我的大姐夫親自上門找你母親告訴她這項壞消息，並希望你們可以見他最後一面，讓他安心上路。

數個小時過去了，你父親的一口氣還在支撐著，但人影不見一個，我們知道他永遠等不到了，難過得只能吩咐他不要等了。終於，他走了……

你爸的喪禮由我們處理，大姐夫再度通知你們出殯時間，你們依然人影不見，讓有家有孩子的大哥，死的是一個寂寞孤獨的老人。出席葬禮的人，知道你爸被你們遺棄的不幸遭遇都在問：你大哥做過什麼傷天害理、天地不容的事，以致他的孩子們連他最後一面都不要見！
這十年來，這問題一直盤旋在我們腦海，是什麼讓你們這麼痛恨他？

人死了並不表示一了百了，我們要一個答覆、一個明白。我們莊家姐弟妹一日這個心結不解，一日都無法平安，相信你爸在天之靈也要一個明白，否則他無法安息。

你爸是怎樣的一個人，外甥們開了一個部落格寫了一些紀念文字，你可以看看：www.theeldestbrother.blogspot.com

正當我們還無法走出你爸猝死的傷痛和他孩子薄情的憤慨中，你出現在鏡頭接受專訪的那滿臉笑容和充滿自信的模樣，讓我們受到二度傷害。我則是在難過中也為你爸感到一絲安慰，因為他所培育的孩子終於學有所成，而且還是人類靈魂的工程師，如果你爸還在世，他不知道要怎樣對我們炫耀一番。對孩子，他可以無愧了。可是，孩子對他呢？

我得知你剛剛有了第一個孩子，相信你為人之父後，更能體會當父親的苦心。我祝願你們的親子關係融冾，因為詛咒和仇恨絕對不是你爸這位基督徒所願意見到的。我們不願讓他的靈魂受苦。

如果一個人對父親還懷著仇恨，他給予孩子的愛必有缺憾；

我們莊家經歷大哥這十年的傷痛，需要療傷。借此，我請求你和你的哥哥以及我們眾姐妹坐下來，以誠懇及理性的態度厘清這件事，解開心結、消除仇恨，放下過去的一切。

宏願大學是所高等學府，傳授應是全人教育，你雖然是科學工藝教職員，但在道德人格上也應立好表樣。我們衷心希望你可以接受我們的“和談”邀請。期盼你的回音。

*** ***

English version 英文譯文

To XX, good day and God bless, this is aunt Angeline.

I write this letter with a heavy heart. We have been trying to contact you and your brothers for a long time, whether through letters, through the messenger, and even through personal visits, but to no avail as you have deliberately been avoiding us. It wasn't until recently that have we found out about your whereabouts and your employment with Wawasan University from a telecast video of you doing an academic interview.

In year 2000, you sent your dad who was then recovering from a stroke, to my second sister's place. According to you,  your parents had an argument, so it was better for your dad to stay with my sister for a while. The marital relationship between your parents was never good. You see, our parents had 10 children and life was difficult when we were young. Although your dad excelled in his academic performance, he had to quit school to share the financial burden of his parents to help support the family. He was hard working and determined, and he devoted his entire salary to the family. He was filial as a son and loving as a sibling, he has always encouraged and supported us. He was a good man to relatives, friends, neighbours and colleagues, he was the brother we all looked up to, and he was the brother we all respected.

My second sister after listening to your explanation, took your dad in without a word. Your dad stayed with her for a while before she suspected something was wrong as there was no effort made to contact him by your lot.  True enough, we were eventually told that since your dad had helped raised his younger siblings, we would be obligated to take care of him.

You were being unreasonable! What you said also broke the heart of your dad, who was then still recovering from the stroke and was unable to walk.  What followed suit was very disheartening, as all our pleas fell to deaf ears.  You and your family stood firm and refused to let your dad into his own home again.

For the past ten years, my sisters and I took turns in taking care of your dad. He spent the last 5 years in a care centre because another stroke hit him and he was unable to take care of himself.

In the last ten years, you and your brothers had never visited him, not even once.
As to the cost of your dad’s welfare fees, you guys had not paid a single penny. However, your dad had not stopped missing or thinking about his family, he could not accept the fact that he was abandoned, he cried, he threw tantrums, he even had depression. It was only when he was baptised three years ago as a Christian that he found peace.

But nevertheless, he always talked about his children's achievements incessantly. How his children had excellent results, how the eldest child held an important position at work....A year before his death, when his mind was not clear, he told us that his son had come to visit him! But it was nothing more than a wishful thought that stemmed from his longing to see his children.

My biggest fear came through this February when your dad was choked to death due to negligence from the care giver. Although he was rushed to the hospital, he was pronounced brain dead by the doctor, he was left with few hours to live. As his life was coming to an end, we had to let go of all the ill feelings. My eldest brother-in-law went in person to your mum to inform her of the bad news and had conveyed my brother's dying wish of seeing his children for the last time.

But hours passed, your dad was hanging on to his last breath waiting for you and your brothers, there was still no sight of you guys. We knew then, your lot would never come.  We had to ask him to let go, and then, he left....

After his passing on, we helped organized your dad’s funeral, once more, my eldest brother-in-law went to notify your mum of the time of the funeral, and once more, you and your brothers had not come to pay the last respect.  Your dad who lived his life as a loving caring family man, died a lonely man.

For those who attended the funeral had only one question to ask, what has my brother done to deserve to be abandoned and left to die alone?  What wrong doing was so graved that his children had to deny his last wish of seeing them? Why was there so much hatred towards him?

All is not end with your dad's passing on.  We believe you owe us an explanation or there could never be peace among us or even with your dad's soul.

Just as we are coping with your dad's sudden death and the anger at his children's cruelty, you beaming with pride's appearance on screen during the interview cut through our hearts.  Despite this, we could feel our brother's pride, after all, you were his prized jewel and owed your success to your dedicating father.  And we are certain that should your dad be alive, he would have boasted about his son's appearance on television. My brother was a good father, but were you a good son?

It has come to my knowledge that you have recently become a father yourself, I believe you will have a better understanding on how dearly my brother had loved you and what it means to be a father, wanting nothing but the best for his children. I wish you the best, and hope you and your child will bond as father and son and will love each other dearly.  Instead of hatreds and curses, we wish for reconciliation.  Your Christian father would have wished for that.  Otherwise it would have been too unsettling for his soul.

As to what a man your dad was, his nephews, nieces and I have put together some words of memorial in this blog www.theeldestbrother.blogspot.com

If a man has so much hatred for his father, his love for his children can never be complete.

We believe there are healings to be done for the family.  Therefore, I ask for a meeting between you, your family and us, me and my sisters, to sit down and resolve the unsettling feelings with an open heart so that we can all move on with our lives.

Wawasan University is a prestigious higher learning institution, besides in pursuit of academic excellence, the institution should uphold a high moral value. As a teaching staff, you should be a role model for your students as well.

We await a favourable reply from you.

- Angeline

My last gift to Duagu

 

“ Truth be told, I’ve never liked visiting DuaGu (eldest uncle in TeoChew) when he was in the care centre. In fact, I dreaded it. I’ve never voluntarily went to the care centre, it was always my mum who planned the visit and me tagging along because it would be absolutely rude, even cruel seeming, if I refused to visit. Although sometimes I do fake a flu, or a heavy load of homework…

The last time I visited DuaGu was when I was back from Taiwan (I study there) for Winter break.  I had promised to buy him this delicious local delight before I left for Taiwan. And true to my words (and my mum’s continuous nags), in my luggage was a beautifully wrapped box of pineapple tarts meant as a gift for DuaGu. He was really excited when he saw the pineapple tarts, he was like a child with his napkin around his chin, happily eating away. But me being me, I was secretly hoping that we’d leave soon, because it was hot and stuffy in the care centre and I would very much prefer to surf the internet in my air conditioned room back at home instead.

That was the last time I visited DuaGu. Because I had gone back to Taiwan after my break and he passed away sometime during my second semester there.

Thinking back, I realise it wasn’t that I didn’t love DuaGu, it wasn’t that we had problems communicating, it wasn’t that he was uninteresting and it surely wasn’t that he was old and sick. It was because focusing on these things and how annoying visiting him was, causes a lot less discomfort in me than facing the truth of how hurt I was over his situation does.

It hurt, to see him in his wheelchair during festive seasons giving angpaus to us nieces and nephews but never his own children.

It hurt, to see him cover his bedroom walls with pictures, magazine and newspaper cut outs of family united, celebrating Chinese traditions like having reunion dinners.

It hurt, to see DuaGu sick, with pallid looking skin and old, with wrinkles.

It hurt, to see DuaGu sad and lonely watching his days pass in the care centre.

It hurt, to witness all that and still be vulnerable and helpless in the situation.

Writing about how nice he was and how he loved me when I was a child (read here) reminds me of how gentle and kind my DuaGu was to me. Also, how much I enjoyed his company. He would buy me treats of my choice, tell me fantastic stories of his adventures while delivering bread loaves, share jokes with me, teach me basic Tamil, most of it learned from mingling with his Indian customers.

I loved him dearly, it took me years to understand. And it makes me terribly guilty because all these years, I hadn’t realised that the annoyance I felt during my visits to the care centre was actually a false sense of irritation, a way I coped with the bigger problem deep in my heart, which is how hurt I was by my DuaGu’s situation. Him being abandoned by his own children.

DuaGu, I’m sorry. If I had known all these, I wouldn’t have been so impatient during my visits. I would’ve held your hand, or told you stories even if you might not understand. I would’ve smiled more, maybe even fed you pineapple tart during my last visit.

I wished the pineapple tarts weren’t my last gift to you. I wished I’ve done more, really. But for what’s worth, thank you for being a part of my childhood, thank you for the wonderful memories, thank you for the lessons, thank you for being you DuaGu. May the Good Lord bless you, may you rest in peace. ”

- Chng Ming King’s niece Briana Nino Leong

大家庭的兄長常是無私的奉獻者

莊家的成員隊伍漸漸壯大了，這些晚輩有的對大哥有印象，有些還來不及認識他。我們要留下記錄告訴他們說，我們曾經有過一位如此愛護弟妹的兄長。在現代少子家庭的社會，為家庭為弟妹無私奉獻的兄長，唯有我們這一代還存有如此動人的親情故事。

- Angeline

走過的歡笑與淚水，我們記得。

爸媽走了，大姐二哥走了，如今大哥也走了。我們倘在塵世的，更覺手足之情的可貴。在大哥的墓地拍照留念，也想告訴他一聲：我們都會記得他帶領我們走過的日子，有淚水有歡笑。如此豐盛。

- Angeline

正值壯年的莊明欽和兩位聰明伶俐的兒子

這張照片攝於1981年，大哥攜帶兩個兒子出席父視莊騰輝71歲生日。那一個生日做得很熱鬧，我么妹的先生特送了夀帳給父親祝賀，我們一家少有的大慶日，大家都很開心。大哥正值壯年，他的兩個孩子聰明伶俐，甚得叔叔姑姑的疼愛。那時，大哥和大嫂的感情普普通通，但一點都不影響我們疼愛他們的兩個兒子。他共有三個兒子，最小的那位還未出世。

- Angeline

He thought his son came

• “One day uncle had come and visited us. He asked me what I was studying and below was our conversation.
  
  Uncle: Jaime, what are you studying?
  
  Me: Uncle, I had graduated beginning of this year with a degree in IT Management and I’m now working with a software house in financial industry.
  
  Uncle: (with a very proud and happy expression) Oh really! time past so fast, my eldest Son studied IT as well. He is very successful now, earns a lot of money and works in a big company in Singapore. Jaime you will have a bright future.
  
  Me: Oh I see, so eldest cousin must be giving you a big allowance each month right? I am really happy for you uncle.
  
  Uncle: (with a sudden sadness) Jaime I tell you I have never received a single cent from your cousin, not even a sweet or a biscuit.

Then uncle was quiet for a long time and left.

My mum told me since the day I asked that question, he never told other people how well his son was doing in his career. Why wasn’t a father remembered for the effort that he had put in? Why?.. No one ever understands.

*** ***

Another thing I remember is during my uncle’s stay in the care center, my mum and I had paid uncle a visit. The first topic we had when we sat down was from uncle…

• Uncle: Lee Chu, yesterday I went home in the afternoon.
  
  My Mum: (doubtfully) Hah? Who came to pick you, where did you go?
  
  Uncle: (loudly and proudly) My second son came and picked me up. I’ve got a house now and they said that I could go home anytime I like to stay for few days.
  
  My mum: (turning to speak with the care center staff) Kakak, ada orang datang jumpa saya punya abang semalam kah? Dia cakap dia punya anak bawa dia balik semalam la.
  
  Care center staff: Mana ada? Dia terlalu rindu rumah lah!! Mungkin dia mimpi sahaja.

Poor old uncle, he was so homesick he couldn’t differentiate what had really happened and what hadn’t. Why wasn’t a father with 3 sons visited by his own sons in so many years? Do the sons really think of themselves as the Monkey Master (sun wu kong) and were born from rocks? Or are their hearts made from rocks instead? Three highly educated young men that never remembered their father in the care center, are they really that busy?”

- Chng Ming King’s niece Jaime Chia Wai Ling

A wonderful memory of coconut tarts

“Everytime when I see a coconut tart in a bakery shop, I will remember my uncle.... even if I don’t really like coconut tarts. This is due to a lovely memory of my uncle buying me one when I was young child.

We came from a moderate family, therefore, we needed to help our parents to earn a living when we were young .... our childhood was full of work and responsibility.....but my uncle was so caring ... he always pass by our house with his bakery car to give us some delicious bakeries... the one that stole my heart was the coconut tart that he had handed to me .... since that first time, I’ve always looked forward to the coconut tart in the afternoon, so much so that I fell down and hurt myself one afternoon when my uncle came by .... my leg still has a scar from that wound ... but what’s left in my heart is not the scars from that wound but the LOVE and CARE that my uncle had given us .......If a busy and hardworking man can be so caring and loving, how can his family leave him in a care center without a single visit until the day he left the world ... the worst happened when his 3 sons hadn’t cared enough to pay him a last respect when he passed away...

The irony is that all his sons are well educated, have high salaries and high positions in their profession. What is wrong with these 3 sons .... how can they treat their father in this cold and cruel manner.... What wrong did this man do until "Forgiveness'' was never given to him.”

- Chng Ming King’s niece Jeanne Chia Pui Ling

大舅曾經給我的小幸福

“ 小時候，媽媽因為在城裡打工，沒辦法照顧我，便把我寄放在二姨家。

有一晚，大舅來二姨家串門子。兩兄妹聊得很愉快。二姨礙在我第二天要上課，就邊聊邊嘮叨著我去睡覺，深怕年紀小小的我會因睡眠不足而病倒。可是小孩子總是貪玩嘛，家裡難得有稀客，我又哪會肯去睡呢，便假裝忙碌，賴在客廳裡，不肯到睡房去。

鬧了好久，大舅心疼我被二姨罵，就說 ‘來，丹丹，大舅帶你去買包吃。’

‘哇！’不用睡覺也算了，竟然還有得出門去買包吃，大舅真好！可是看見二姨惡惡地瞪了我一眼，我只好默默地在心裡暗爽，表面卻像小羊般溫順地牽著大舅的手出門。

我坐在大舅老爺車的前座，等大舅幫我繫好安全帶，我們就出發了。到了熟悉的攤子，大舅問我想吃什麼包啊，我其實很想要一個蓮蓉包，一個叉燒包，可是最終還是害羞的說要個叉燒包。大舅笑了笑便給我買了個，順便買了一份華文報。

回家的路上，天空突然下起雨來。雨水滴滴答答地落下，配合著搖搖晃晃的老爺車，我只覺得眼皮越來越重，頭腦也越來越不清晰了。想著出門前還很大聲的跟二姨說 ‘我一點都不想睡！我精神得很！’好勝的我嘗試苦苦地撐著眼皮不讓它掉下，可是身子最終都不停使喚，好像著魔般，昏昏沉沉地睡下去。

我對大舅的記憶沒有很多，就算有，也是我長大後的事，他被人遺棄後的事。可是有一些小小的事，我到現在都還記得，就好像大舅帶我去買包子吃，就好像我在大舅車上睡著，然後他從車裡抱我回到二姨家。這些事情可能很瑣碎，可是都是大舅曾經給我的小小幸福。”

-莊明欽五妹莊麗瑄之女兒梁丹袖的話

我難忘大舅沿街叫賣麵包

“我是庄明钦二妹的女儿，名叫Ah Moi。当我两岁时，我的父亲不幸在一次意外中身亡了。所以从小​，我的家人就搬回外婆家住。

庄铭钦舅舅令我印象最深刻的是，他每天骑着motor ，后面放着一个装满面包的桶，沿街卖面包，直到晚上八到十点，他​才回家吃晚餐和阅读今天的报章。吃晚餐前，他都会把当天所卖到的​钱交给外婆。结束沿街叫卖的日子后，大舅就当起了面包店的老板。可是，这一位​老板每天需要凌晨两三点，载着大姨和妈妈去面包厂做面包。虽然他​已经不用再回外婆家吃饭，但他还是每天从凌晨忙到晚上。

当我出来社会工作时，有车牌而不敢驾车，有一天大舅出现在我的公​司面前，我惊讶地问他：‘为什么你会在我公司门口？’他回答说：​‘拿了车牌为什么不驾车？’然后他就每天等我放工，教我驾车，直​到我克服驾驶的恐惧感为止。

自从我和弟弟出来社会工作后，我们就搬离了外婆家。大舅也结束了​面包店的生意，开始从事卖报纸和卖零食的生意。可是他还是很可怜​，每一次遇到凌晨三四点下大雨时，老爷车总是不能使动，就会淋到​全身湿湿，跟我妈妈借车去拿报纸。这种辛酸的情景，至今我还忘不​了。

当我们家人的经济能力比较有改善时，大舅也第二次中风。复原后的​有一天，他的二儿子将他的爸爸送来我妈妈的家，说一个星期后，会把他的爸爸接回家里​。可是，两个星期后，他说：‘我妈妈叫他不用回去了。’就这样直​到大舅去世，他们再也没有出现。

你们知道吗？自从他被家人遗弃在我家后的每一个大日子，尤其是新​年，他都会以泪洗脸。。。是问，一位从来无怨，无私，刻苦耐劳，顾家 的大舅，为什么会遭到家人如此的对待？”

-莊明欽二妹莊麗華之女兒楊玉芬的話

*** ***

“我两天前到了香港，看了Ah Moi姐姐寫的有關她對大舅的回憶，我不得不承认比起其他人我和大舅的互动真的是很少，所以在看待这件事情上会比较平和。
 
我仅有的记忆较深的是我们以前住在忠诚园（我爸爸还在卖菜的时候），大舅买到很好的榴莲（拳头大的果肉，种子很小，黄肉干包）会在晚上收工后拿到我们的家给我们吃（可能我们当时的环境也不是很好吧！）。另外一件事情让我觉得其实他对妻子是十分重视的，当他赚到一點錢後（具体数字不是很清楚），他就立即买了那部青色的Nissan Sentra。当时他就说赚到了錢，所以买部较好的车给他的“事头婆”（粤语）开。”

-莊明欽四妹莊麗玉之女兒賴惠玲的話

每逢團圓飯，大舅最惆悵

“封棺的那刻－看著大舅－他似帶著遺憾離開。

每逢新春佳節，大舅必定把報章上一切有關回家慶新春的廣告，回鄉探親、吃團圓飯時刻圖片，一一剪下，貼滿客廳與房間的牆上。

七彩繽紛的廣告貼，看似喜氣洋溢人間，在我眼中卻是大舅他徬徨的無助感，透露著萬分的渴望，淒然淚下期待一家人團團圓圓，簡簡單單吃個團圓飯。一個簡單的動作卻盡說大舅心底每年每月每日的心願。

有段時期，大舅總愛向我查詢關於保險的一事。對於當時還在念中四的我，根本不瞭解保險詳情。在大舅三翻四次追問之下，他終於告知，他想，買一份保險，受益人要放孩子的名字，若一天他回天國，孩子也有一筆生活費好好過活。一份心意表達他對孩子的父愛，大舅想盡辦法維持他為人父的責任。

就在今年新年，也是我最后一次看见大舅了。还记得那天是年初二，大舅已经是坐着轮椅来阿姨家团聚了，当时的他一直要吃年饼；基于他的健康问题我也拒绝了，没想到过了不久他就离开我们了。

我常在想，到底要有多大的怨恨才能狠心得连父亲的葬礼也不出席，就算是因被父亲泼镪水而毁容的陈妹妹也选择了原谅，希望他的孩子能到大舅的墓前给他鞠个躬吧，好让大舅在天国也能感到安心。”

-莊明欽六妹莊麗珍之二女兒鄒灎靈的話

與家人團圓，他卑微的心願

“大舅居住我家是幾年前的事情。那是他中風之後的事情。

一開始，他總是沈默不語，默默無言獨自流淚。常見他眼淚不聽使喚流下,奪眶而出。流下是他一生的心血。他從不放棄堅持回家的心，總是含糊不清努力的說他想念自己的孩子。行動不便的他，猶如日日等著凋零，總盼望再見孩子一眼。

聽妹妹說，偶爾他會偷偷買下六合彩，彩票上中獎人永遠填上孩子的名字以及身分證號碼。他想把自己僅有的一切奉獻於孩子，期盼孩子探望的那天，哪怕一眼也好。與其說他想有個家，他更期待得到家人的一絲關心與溫暖。

每當親友的探望，他必泣不住聲。任由全世界的咒罵，大舅從不回嘴，但絕不舍痛罵孩子，就連一句抱怨的話都沒有。只是因為他還抱著卑微的心態，一個渺小的希望，有一天可以回到自己的家，與家人團圓⋯⋯

在第一個離家的年頭，大舅想起了舅母的生日。為了讓舅母開心，他拿著拐杖，拖著笨重的身體，瞞著我們靜悄悄得一枴一枴，往家走去。一路上的風景是美好的，他隨手摘下路邊的小花為禮物，想給舅母一個驚喜。後來是怎樣沒人知曉，只記得大舅回來時，顫抖的手無力的握著拐杖與半臨凋謝的花，臉上已分不出是汗水抑或眼淚。

大舅是一個勇敢的人！儘管有些事情不盡心意，生活中多少無奈，就算多疲憊沈重，但他還是淡然渡過，勇敢面對事實！我想，能够陪着家人走完生命的最后一段旅程是一種福氣，雖然大舅已離開了我們，但我和兩個妹妹卻擁有這個福分陪伴大舅走過他最後幾年的日子。

愿大舅在天堂與主同在。”

-莊明欽之六妹莊麗珍之大女兒鄒迎湘的話

“roti佬”愛拿零食給我們小瓜吃

“庄明钦这个名字对我来说比较陌生，因为大家都称呼他大舅（DUA GU）。从小，大舅就和我们很密切，因为每天都能见到他。大舅是卖面包的“roti佬”。小的时候，他总是会拿零食给我们这些小瓜吃，他会跟我们谈天说笑。后来，有了面包厂，大舅的工作更多了。从妈妈口中知道，大舅在天未亮时，就要开工。小的时候，那里会想这么多，看见大人在忙碌时，就只是会玩乐。他很疼爱我们这些后辈，每每看见他回来面包厂时，只要称呼他一声大舅，他就会露出他那亲切的笑容，给我们糖果或面包，跟我们说说话，然后再骑上摩托工作去。他，就是这样的忙碌。

日子过了不知几久，有一天我们听见这残酷的消息——大舅被赶出家门，我们不知道为了什么。但是心中却有千百个疑问，为什么一个如此顾家的好人会有这样的下场？他的儿子和老婆，从那时开始，就没有一个联络他，想要找回他，仿佛他已人间消失！甚至在N年以后，大舅中风，也只是由妹妹们照顾他，一直到他去世。

大舅去世后，我和丈夫去坐夜。丈夫说大舅看起来很面熟，我只说他以前是卖面包的，他就说他认识大舅。因为他以前也是大舅的顾客，他还告诉我他知道大舅被赶出门的事情。天啊，原来在陌生人的眼中，这个劳碌了大半生的长辈被挂上的就是个被家人赶出家门的印象！听在我们这些亲人的耳中，是多么的心酸和痛心。。。

大舅，愿你能安息！ ”

-莊明欽大妹莊麗蓉之三女兒黃翠暖的話

他書唸不多，但富有創意

“庄铭钦是我去世母亲的大哥，因此我妈称他为‘阿兄’潮洲话称大哥的意思。我们这些晚辈则称他为‘大舅’。我妈常在空闲的时候和我们几只小瓜分享庄家兄弟姐妹成长的点点滴滴。 妈常告诉我们大舅是个很克苦耐劳和认劳认怨的人，为了糊口大舅总是早出晚归，骑着电单车到大街小巷卖面包。除了卖面包之外，大舅有试着要去卖冰淇琳，但每当大舅兴致勃勃时天空总是不做美下起雨来，最后大舅只好打消念头。妈说这是老天爷给的一个启事，注定大舅适合卖面包这个行业。

后来大舅自己创业开了一间属于自己的面包店，二姨和我妈就负责制作面包而大舅就负责卖和送面包。兄妹们分工合作同心合力一起打拼。小时候，学校假期时我们总是吵着二姨带我们去面包店去‘玩’，在面包店里包面包、贴价格、把面粉和其它材料放进面包机搅拌是我们最爱的玩意。大舅在店的时间很短，每次见到他都是手脚很迅速的在点算各式各样的面包数量，然后把面包往车上放然后就忙着送面包。每天好几趟，而我们从没在大舅脸上看见一丝的倦容。不要小看大舅书念得不多，但他有很好的創意和創造力。我永远都不会忘记大舅在我面前展示的那盏茶壶灯和我妈在新年前烤鸡蛋卷时用的炉都是由大舅一手创制。因为有了这炉，烤鸡蛋卷的过程变的更省时和方便。

大舅很疼惜我们这些晚辈。在我念国中的时候，傍晚时分大舅就会拿面包和一些糕点给我们当早餐。学校要开课的时候他便会为我们带来学校的用品。那时候，大舅已经结束面包店的生意而开始经营卖报纸和零食的生意。但是，日子并没有变得轻松，他还是依旧为生活而奔波而劳碌而打拼。妈妈每次见到大舅都会叮咛他好好照顾身体。有一次，大舅和往常一样送面包给我们的时候碰巧我家开饭，妈妈便叫大舅和我们一起用饭。无意间，大舅告诉妈妈说他已经好久没有享用热腾腾的饭菜和汤了。这段话让我们感触良多，妈妈更心疼他这位‘阿兄’。从此每当妈妈熬汤的时候，妈妈都会拨电话给大舅，然候说：‘阿兄，今天我熬了汤，你记的来我家吃饭。’妈也会特地为大舅准备一些药材汤，让大舅调理身体。

大舅有三个儿子，每次谈起他们他都会引以为荣。有一天，我们收到一个令我们震撼和残酷的消息，大舅被家人遗弃！某天，他的第二个儿子把他载送到二姨家去暂住。这所谓的‘暂住’的背后竟是无情和背叛！我相信连少有良知的人也不会做出这大逆不孝、大逆不道的事。从次，大舅就已泪来洗脸。直到他去逝，他的儿子也没出现。

我收到大舅去逝的消息时，我人还在国外。想起大舅的遭遇，我不禁泪流。。我祈祷大舅一路好走永远安息，我们会永远怀念你。 ”

-莊明欽大妹莊麗蓉之大女兒黃翠薇的話