致大哥的兒子 A letter to my eldest brother’s son
那時你應該是4歲吧，五姑帶著你到芙蓉波士街的天主教堂嬉戲並拍照留念。祈求你背後的聖母助佑我們解開心結 *** ***
XX侄兒：
你好，主佑。我是五姑。
我帶著很沉重的心情寫這封信。這麼多年來，我們多次聯絡你和你的哥哥，通過寫信、托口訊，甚至上門，你們都避而不見。我們在一次無意中，在網上的一個電台節目見到你接受一項學術課題專訪，才知道你在宏願大學任職。
你還記得2000年的某一天，你帶著中風後未癒的父親到我二姐的家，據你說，你父母吵架，所以暫時要把父親寄居在我二姐的家一陣子。你父母結婚後感情就不好，吵架是常有的事。我們家共有十兄弟姐妹，小時生活非常艱苦，你父親讀書成績標青，無奈弟妹眾多，唸到初一就輟學出外打工，賺錢幫忙養家，以減輕父母的重擔。他工作勤奮，不辭勞苦，每個月的薪水悉數交給母親。他孝敬父母、愛護弟妹，對我們能夠勉勵有加，是親朋戚友、左鄰右舍、老板伙
伴口中的大好青年，當然更是我們敬崇的大哥。
二姐聽到你要求她接待父親暫住，義不容辭地答應了。你爸住了一陣子，你們一個電話都沒有，讓我們覺得事有蹊蹺，再過一陣子，你告訴我們說，既然父親曾經養育過弟妹，就應該由我們來照顧他！
你這番話不可理喻，更叫中風未癒、行動不便的大哥錯愕傷心！接下來的過程非常叫人痛心難過，無論我們通過什麼方法交涉，你們的態度堅決冷漠，就是不肯讓你父親再踏入家門一步。
這十年來，你父親輪流由我們姐妹照顧，最後五年因二度中風，不能自理，我們把他送到療養院去接受照顧。
這十年來，你們不曾探訪過他，一次都沒有。至於他的生活費，你們一分錢也沒出過。
這十年來，他對你們的思念不曾停止過，他從不接受自己被遺棄的命運，哭過、鬧過、甚至患上憂鬱症，直到三年前成為基督徒，情緒才平靜下來。即使這樣，他也常常不自禁地告訴我們他孩子的成就。例如，他常重覆提起他兒子的優異考試成績、大兒子任高職……他去世前的一年，常在精神恍惚中告訴我們說，兒子來看他了！這一切是他思念過甚的妄想。
我們一直擔心的事終於發生了，今年二月，你父親在療養院因不慎而被食物鯁喉窒息，送到醫院，醫生宣佈他腦死，只剩數小時的存活。走到人生的盡頭，任何恩怨也該煙消雲散了吧。我的大姐夫親自上門找你母親告訴她這項壞消息，並希望你們可以見他最後一面，讓他安心上路。
數個小時過去了，你父親的一口氣還在支撐著，但人影不見一個，我們知道他永遠等不到了，難過得只能吩咐他不要等了。終於，他走了……
你爸的喪禮由我們處理，大姐夫再度通知你們出殯時間，你們依然人影不見，讓有家有孩子的大哥，死的是一個寂寞孤獨的老人。出席葬禮的人，知道你爸被你們遺棄的不幸遭遇都在問：你大哥做過什麼傷天害理、天地不容的事，以致他的孩子們連他最後一面都不要見！
這十年來，這問題一直盤旋在我們腦海，是什麼讓你們這麼痛恨他？
人死了並不表示一了百了，我們要一個答覆、一個明白。我們莊家姐弟妹一日這個心結不解，一日都無法平安，相信你爸在天之靈也要一個明白，否則他無法安息。
你爸是怎樣的一個人，外甥們開了一個部落格寫了一些紀念文字，你可以看看：www.theeldestbrother.blogspot.com
正當我們還無法走出你爸猝死的傷痛和他孩子薄情的憤慨中，你出現在鏡頭接受專訪的那滿臉笑容和充滿自信的模樣，讓我們受到二度傷害。我則是在難過中也為你爸感到一絲安慰，因為他所培育的孩子終於學有所成，而且還是人類靈魂的工程師，如果你爸還在世，他不知道要怎樣對我們炫耀一番。對孩子，他可以無愧了。可是，孩子對他呢？
我得知你剛剛有了第一個孩子，相信你為人之父後，更能體會當父親的苦心。我祝願你們的親子關係融冾，因為詛咒和仇恨絕對不是你爸這位基督徒所願意見到的。我們不願讓他的靈魂受苦。
如果一個人對父親還懷著仇恨，他給予孩子的愛必有缺憾；
我們莊家經歷大哥這十年的傷痛，需要療傷。借此，我請求你和你的哥哥以及我們眾姐妹坐下來，以誠懇及理性的態度厘清這件事，解開心結、消除仇恨，放下過去的一切。
宏願大學是所高等學府，傳授應是全人教育，你雖然是科學工藝教職員，但在道德人格上也應立好表樣。我們衷心希望你可以接受我們的“和談”邀請。期盼你的回音。
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English version 英文譯文
To XX, good day and God bless, this is aunt Angeline.
I write this letter with a heavy heart. We have been trying to contact you and your brothers for a long time, whether through letters, through the messenger, and even through personal visits, but to no avail as you have deliberately been avoiding us. It wasn't until recently that have we found out about your whereabouts and your employment with Wawasan University from a telecast video of you doing an academic interview.
In year 2000, you sent your dad who was then recovering from a stroke, to my second sister's place. According to you, your parents had an argument, so it was better for your dad to stay with my sister for a while. The marital relationship between your parents was never good. You see, our parents had 10 children and life was difficult when we were young. Although your dad excelled in his academic performance, he had to quit school to share the financial burden of his parents to help support the family. He was hard working and determined, and he devoted his entire salary to the family. He was filial as a son and loving as a sibling, he has always encouraged and supported us. He was a good man to relatives, friends, neighbours and colleagues, he was the brother we all looked up to, and he was the brother we all respected.
My second sister after listening to your explanation, took your dad in without a word. Your dad stayed with her for a while before she suspected something was wrong as there was no effort made to contact him by your lot. True enough, we were eventually told that since your dad had helped raised his younger siblings, we would be obligated to take care of him.
You were being unreasonable! What you said also broke the heart of your dad, who was then still recovering from the stroke and was unable to walk. What followed suit was very disheartening, as all our pleas fell to deaf ears. You and your family stood firm and refused to let your dad into his own home again.
For the past ten years, my sisters and I took turns in taking care of your dad. He spent the last 5 years in a care centre because another stroke hit him and he was unable to take care of himself.
In the last ten years, you and your brothers had never visited him, not even once.
As to the cost of your dad’s welfare fees, you guys had not paid a single penny. However, your dad had not stopped missing or thinking about his family, he could not accept the fact that he was abandoned, he cried, he threw tantrums, he even had depression. It was only when he was baptised three years ago as a Christian that he found peace.
But nevertheless, he always talked about his children's achievements incessantly. How his children had excellent results, how the eldest child held an important position at work....A year before his death, when his mind was not clear, he told us that his son had come to visit him! But it was nothing more than a wishful thought that stemmed from his longing to see his children.
My biggest fear came through this February when your dad was choked to death due to negligence from the care giver. Although he was rushed to the hospital, he was pronounced brain dead by the doctor, he was left with few hours to live. As his life was coming to an end, we had to let go of all the ill feelings. My eldest brother-in-law went in person to your mum to inform her of the bad news and had conveyed my brother's dying wish of seeing his children for the last time.
But hours passed, your dad was hanging on to his last breath waiting for you and your brothers, there was still no sight of you guys. We knew then, your lot would never come. We had to ask him to let go, and then, he left....
After his passing on, we helped organized your dad’s funeral, once more, my eldest brother-in-law went to notify your mum of the time of the funeral, and once more, you and your brothers had not come to pay the last respect. Your dad who lived his life as a loving caring family man, died a lonely man.
For those who attended the funeral had only one question to ask, what has my brother done to deserve to be abandoned and left to die alone? What wrong doing was so graved that his children had to deny his last wish of seeing them? Why was there so much hatred towards him?
All is not end with your dad's passing on. We believe you owe us an explanation or there could never be peace among us or even with your dad's soul.
Just as we are coping with your dad's sudden death and the anger at his children's cruelty, you beaming with pride's appearance on screen during the interview cut through our hearts. Despite this, we could feel our brother's pride, after all, you were his prized jewel and owed your success to your dedicating father. And we are certain that should your dad be alive, he would have boasted about his son's appearance on television. My brother was a good father, but were you a good son?
It has come to my knowledge that you have recently become a father yourself, I believe you will have a better understanding on how dearly my brother had loved you and what it means to be a father, wanting nothing but the best for his children. I wish you the best, and hope you and your child will bond as father and son and will love each other dearly. Instead of hatreds and curses, we wish for reconciliation. Your Christian father would have wished for that. Otherwise it would have been too unsettling for his soul.
As to what a man your dad was, his nephews, nieces and I have put together some words of memorial in this blog www.theeldestbrother.blogspot.com
If a man has so much hatred for his father, his love for his children can never be complete.We believe there are healings to be done for the family. Therefore, I ask for a meeting between you, your family and us, me and my sisters, to sit down and resolve the unsettling feelings with an open heart so that we can all move on with our lives.
Wawasan University is a prestigious higher learning institution, besides in pursuit of academic excellence, the institution should uphold a high moral value. As a teaching staff, you should be a role model for your students as well.
We await a favourable reply from you.
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